Downs & Ups

I haven't blogged for awhile. My knee just isn't doing well and I just started a series of shots that may help. Last week was the first and they also drained the knee. That isn't fun. I think about Rod and for about a year he had his knee drained every week and I don't remember him complaining or feeling hopeless. I think he was much braver then me. Then after feeling sorry for myself, God stepped in and thrilled me with His creation. As I walk out my front door there's a camellia bush that blooms in the winter. It's been covered with white blossoms and I've wondered what strange time for flowers. As I past the bush I heard a sound, bent down to figure out what it was, and there were to very small Humming Birds. They were busy drinking the sweet nectar. They came out took a look at me and then went right back to their feast. My very first thought was, where do they go at night? I backed off and watched them, they didn't seem to care. Just think white blossoms, 2 red throat ed Humming Birds, and I could hear and see this precious event. Psalms: 100 (King James) "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord". He gives Hope, Joy , unconditional Love, and then Grace. Wow!

The Shephard Watches

The evidence of the Shepherd's faithfulness has been surrounding me these past few weeks. So far my financially situation is strong and stable. "Surprise!" I had wonderful visit with my son who will be deployed again in a couple of months. I had the priviledge of meeting his team and fellow officers. What good dedicated men and women. Then I got a roommate, another surprise and she makes a great cup of coffee. I was asked to read Ezekiel 34 for a week which lead into Psalm 100. We are His sheep in His pasture. How safe and secure we are. Today I'm at peace and blessed. Spring is a new beginning just like every morning. I was in the land of dogwoods in full bloom and now in my home town in full bloom. As the plane flew back and forth from here to Tennessee, the earth was a quilt of color, shapes and textures. The sky had layers of clouds that drifted at different speeds, some soaring, some just big and puffy. Family, friends and this congregation are part of my life and deep in my heart. Each morning I worship the King.

Whom do I serve?

With the financial changes for the world, the community, the church and me, I've had to take a hard look at "who I serve". Yes, I was hurt, yes I was angry, and yes concern if I could make it. After cancelling some of the extras in my life, sitting down and writing a budget (ugh!), it looks okay. I had been praying before the decisions were made and I have to admit God answer all of those prayers. That very next weekend I drove to Bremerton to visit family, I argued 150 mile on I-5 with God. He really takes a lot of guff and whining from me, but probably after a 100 miles the thought came: "Donna, who do you serve?" Lord you, and your people. That went thru my heart the rest of the weekend and the next 2 weeks. Then I crashed and burned. That was a hard morning, but God sent 3 believers to listen and pray with me. He is faithful and loves His children and wants only the best for all of us. Many are struggling in this world and most struggle a lot more then me. So I'll count my blessings, praise Him and serve you.

God is so smart and funny at the same time. I did go to the Closer event for women after reading the book, I was hooked. There were some very special times, getting to know new faces and learning about others I knew. Susan Hill was a excellent speaker, sharing her struggles, victories and her relationship with the Lord. I had decided to come late on Saturday, I was brushing my teeth at about 9am and the phone rang. It was Lorna asking if I would give a testimony about something I had heard Friday night. Now I couldn't be late and as the morning progressed I prayed for the right words and the words that God wanted to be heard and keep my hands from shaking. I shared about my father and how that relationship put a barrier with the Father in heaven. God reaches out to me often, speaks to me thru thoughts. This time He used someone else to send a message. As the author's husband would have said: "Is that odd or is it God?" The lesson I've been learning this past year is to be bold. When prompted to take action, to take the challenge, and then trust God.

Learning/ Believing

I started reading "Closer" the book being used for the Women's Retreat. The first few chapters deal with the barriers between you God. Oh! My goodness, I've had so much trouble trusting in God's plans his desires for me and letting him have control of my life. My dad left home when I was 11 and even though I cried and begged him not to go he did and he was angry with me. Then I felt guilty, because I was the Princess. It was 8 years before I saw him again, I was married and had our first son. So the father image was damaged and it took another 40 years to realize the damaged. My siblings and I never talked about our folks divorce and when we finally did, we all blamed ourselves. I looked up the word guilty. "If you break the law or commit a sin you are guilty other wise you are innocent." Our Father will never abandon us and he is in control of our lives and loves us unconditionally. I love him and I start my day by praying to trust him unconditionally. The barrier is slowly crumbling as I take each day as it comes. Romans 8: 38-39

Strength

This has been a sad tough week. A neighbor passed away and 2 friends were arrested for DUI. Then another friend's wife has been diagnose with terminal lung cancer. My heart hurts and I'm angry with the Lord and the poor choices that we humans make. So I cry and cry out "no". As I was reading in Isaiah I came across a note. You see I never write in the Bible not any book. I don't underline, I make notes on other paper. So I don't know who wrote and circle these verses. Isaiah 41: 9-10. It certainly helped reduce the hurt in my heart and gave me time with Him, to think, to listen, and then to trust. This weekend I'm going to rest and maybe hear Him speak more. I'm dedicating my time for praise and worship. This day (Friday) has had a happy and joyful blessing. All my children are home and safe. Today would have been Rod's 72 birthday and it was a happy time sharing with them. Rod's love of daffodils came from a poem by Wordsworth, he could quote that poem word for word driving us all nuts. Joy and sorrow seem to go hand in hand, I'm so bless to be able to share with so many my story. Thank you Lord for showing yourself in others.

Joy

Yesterday afternoon 1/26/09 there was a blurb on the news, a helicopter had crash with 4 killed, no other details. My heart took a leap and I called friends in TN. and they said it wasn't Bob. Then today there was an e-mail from him saying he was well and would be back in the states in a couple of weeks. I prayed he wasn't in the rubble, does that mean that I was I hoping it was some others son? Paul said to praise God and have joy in all circumstances. It doesn't feel joyful. I know there are four grieving families and I grieve for them. I'm so thankful that Christ is in my life and stands next to me and those families. I pray their sons and daughters are believers and have entered the kingdom. Bob's favorite verse is Isaiah 40:31 it starts with "But for those who trust in the Lord will find strength". I pray every morning to trust in the Lord. Seems simple-I need His strength.